Sunday, November 22

Breakthru solution to an old scientific problem

For years, scientists have been trying to find out what goes on in a human's mind between consumption of cyanide and death. The chemical is so strong that within a few seconds of consumption, the heart stops functioning and the person dies. The premise and the approach of current research is very smart actually. Researchers make the subjects consume cyanide and give them a piece of paper and a pen so that they can write what happens to them after they taste the chemical but because there are just a few seconds, most research has been inconclusive.

I have a solution to this problem. I figured out a way to make these subjects communicate how they feel after cyanide. The method requires a few months of preparation before launch.

Steps:

1. Create a TWITTER account for the subjects
2. Make them post their every single moment from something as major as taking a leak to something as minor as feeling dizzy while out for a jog
3. Convince them that they will go to hell if they don't publish every thought
4. Promise them 7 virgins if they make it to heaven (don't disclose gender at this stage)
5. Create fake twitter accounts, follow these subjects and appreciate their silliest updates

Once you have confirmed a thorough addiction to twitter take the following steps:

1. Take the subjects to the lab
2. Give them their cell phone
3. Remind them of point 4 above
4. Give them cyanide

You will find the result of the test on your twitter timeline if you are following them or on when you search for their twitter handles. Do RT their final tweet and leave @replies with RIP messages. At this stage you might want to disclose the gender of the virgins you promised in step 4 of stage 1 above.

You can follow me on twitter too. My twitter handle is @jitendraba and if you are new just visit twitter.com/jitendraba, login to your twitter account and follow me. I am not planning to consume cyanide anytime soon but I eat good food, watch loads of movies and post reviews of all this and more on twitter.

(Apologies that understanding of the above article requires geek level 3.5/5 and above. This is right back at those who write articles with words used in the 14th century and earlier just to show off that they have no life and went to the library more often.)

3 comments:

Mea Culpa said...

Hahaahaha!! I liked the geek-humor!

Vivek said...

I liked the Ad's shown by Google based on the content: It said
"You Can go to Heaven
Jesus Christ Loves You. Here is a prayer that can change your life!!!"
An alternative solution to publishing "Highly Stupid" thoughts on twitter... lolzzz... :)

pure-atman said...

Nice : ) 14th Century?